Love, CharenLeigh

Social Anxiety Disorder: (also called social phobia) is a mental health condition. It is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and your other day-to-day activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends.

Are they looking at me? Are they judging how I workout ? Do they see me sit in the car for 20 minutes before I get out? Do I look silly doing this? Does this outfit make me look extra fat? Do I workout every day and actually get no where? Is this even worth it? I burn more calories having an anxiety attack before I go in than when I am actually in here.

Ugh, this was me every day when I would try to go to the gym. I’d get all excited at home preparing for the gym. I’ve come so far, then I get there and see other people and legit freak. Is this you? Do you struggle with social/interaction anxiety? Is it that I’m terrified someone will actually speak to me? Or that I may have to speak to someone?  What if someone asks why I hadn’t been in a while? And to see someone I know, heck, avoid that all together. Thank you God for the inventor of headphones and the distraction that comes with them.

I absolutely love pushing myself past its limits. I love watching my body grow stronger after every workout. But my anxiety gets the best of me every single time. I have switched gyms throughout the years, I have worked out with trainers, I have went with friends; none of it takes away the anxiety it takes for me to actually get out my car and go in. My mind seems to tell me all the worst things, but it’s  just pure fear circling in my body.

Many tell me, “Workout at home Charen, buy the ropes/ bands/weights and just do it there.” As they think this would solve the problem. Well I’d spend 10 minutes “exercising” at home and realize I did not want to exercise anymore.  The motivation was gone, so I would go weeks and months without actually exercising or attending the gym. This hurt me mentally more than anything because I would legit just sleep instead of exercising. This had become a vicious cycle over the last few years.

It was clear I had a bigger issue though. I realized I was trying to attend the gym to “fix” my body. I believed it was not strong enough to withstand the things the world would throw me. I was doing gym time not just for me and helping me feel better; I was doing it for others. It wasn’t until I realized I was more focused on others than I was of myself.

This is where I learned to take a step back. I ignored all urges to go to the gym and I learned to fall in love with every wrinkle and roll, every bump and bruise. I learned to actually start taking care of my mind along with my body in a healthy way. I became new again with Jesus. I started running to him with my anxiety more than anyone else. He seemed to be the only one who understood. I started reading books that would grow my mental and emotional wellbeing. When I finally was in love with myself again, and taking care of me first, I noticed a new fitness center had come to town. I thought why not try this working out thing again for the right reasons.

Then it was just one free class, I was comfortable, I was anxious free walking in class that day. I spoke to people, people spoke to me and I actually enjoyed it.

Heartrize Fitness, Mikell and those trainers have pushed me so far past anything I thought my body could even do. I never have a problem getting out of my car and walking in because everyone there is on their own journey. It is not about others, it’s about you. The trainers individually encourage you before and after the workouts. They push you to eat healthier and to take care of the body God gave us regardless what it looks like on the outside. They even do 3D scans so you do not focus so much on the pounds as the inches roll off. My social anxiety does not even spark up when I head to this fitness center. I am never anxious or worried if I cannot do the workout or if someone is watching or judging me. We are all here from different backgrounds with all different body shapes and sizes working together.  The workouts are tough but I appreciate how tough they are. My mental strength has increased while I have attended this gym in the last 3 months. I know I can accomplish things regardless what my mind tells me. The trainers remind you always how strong you are and how far you come. They are just as excited when you make your first box jump as you are. Everyone always greets you with a smile and positive energy.

So when people tell me, “Charen you’re already skinny, you don’t need to lose anymore weight. You shouldn’t workout so much.” I respond quickly with how my life has changed through working out my physical and mental body. How I strong I have become through it. I still have pretty bad anxiety when going to places the gym or not, with others and not. But not near as much as I did before. I still have to take the medicine for my anxiety but I’ve learned to also tackle it head on and as much as I can thank myself, I’d like to thank Heartrize Fitness just as much.

My goal today was just to say, I’ve been there. Pray about it. Let Jesus work through the real reasons you’re “hiding” from the gym or taking care of your mind and body. In due time, you will be like me and be way more proud about your mental results than your physical ones.