Love, CharenLeigh

For starters, I want to apologize for the lack of posting last Sunday and my late post today. This blog has held me more accountable than anything else, and honestly I beat myself when I do not post. Some days are harder than others to get my words out and get them across to others so they actually make sense. I am still on the journey of bettering myself and overcoming what has brought me down the last few years. Having y’all read my blog, contact me, or just check on me has made me realize, again, that I am never alone in this. There are people all over the world dealing with the same issues I am; no one is exempt from the pain mental health illnesses can bring when you know you are so much better. Your mind will forever be a trickster; make sure your only adding stuff to your thoughts that will better you, not bring you down. I am here today, dedicated still to give everyone who reads; my transparency, brutal honesty, and love.

Part 3- I am free.

I left off on part 2, when I finally was free from capture. I had waited till the dirt had settled from the road where he drove away and I had praised the Lord for keeping me safe thus far.

Honestly, this is where the bigger journey came. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet. I was free from my captor, but I was not safe and sound just yet. I had to find a way to get back home and to contact someone. I just wanted to see my parents and my sister at this point. Nothing else even had mattered.

So I began to just walk down the dirt road in hope and prayer that I would see or meet someone along the way. I could actually see some type of school in the distance through the cow pasture that was on the dirt road. The guy had told me to stay there and he would be back to get me; well I was NOT trying to be there when he got back. Remember, he also had a gun, which walking through that open field did not  seem like a good idea either at that point. So I tracked through the wet pine straw in the woods while it started sprinkling. After crying and walking through the woods; I just wanted to figure out what in the world did I do to deserve this.  Walking through the woods was probably the safest I had felt in the last 3 hours. I am a country girl who would walk through the trees and woods all the time with my daddy growing up. Walking through the woods has always been so peaceful to me; and even at the very moment I was in, I still felt at peace.

I finally made it to a main highway where I knew it was my time to catch someone’s attention to get help. I had on a tank top with a cardigan and some jeans with flats the day I got kidnapped. I took the cardigan off and started waving it in the air while I walked down this main highway on January 13, 2014 at what was probably 9 o clock in the morning. Many, many people passed by me; some honked their horns at me, some waved, some shouted obscene things, but no one even slowed down to see what my problem was.  But for a moment, we have to put ourselves in the shoes of the person driving past me. I was a young women out in the middle of the morning, walking the road waving half of my clothes in the air, would you have stopped to help me? I am sure they thought I was the craziest person in the world; I mean it was raining at that point and so dang cold for a January morning in the south. I did not give up though, I knew if I could just make it to that school someone would be “forced” to assist me. So I just kept walking. I eventually made it to a road that stated it was the entrance to an elementary school. I walked a little ways down that road until I saw a SUV coming my way. It was a school entrance so she was driving pretty slow and could tell I was clearly upset. She pulled to the side and rolled her window half way down and asked if she could help. I told her I had been kidnapped and just needed help before he came back to get me. Immediately she unlocked her doors and let me in her passenger seat. I started to tell her my story and how I was not sure what to do next. She made it clear to me that I was now safe and no one could harm me. She took me directly to the sheriff’s department and walked in with me to help me get inside and be able to explain what was happening. She was my angel, she saved me, and there is no way I could repay her for that. I honestly have never seen the lady again in my life but I think of her so often. I know God put her in place that day to help me. I know that even if I never meet her again, that God changed her life that day also.

So I am safe, I am in the sheriff’s department, they are questioning me and getting every detail they can to help. A BOLO is put out for my car and in hope someone can catch this man. I am finally not in my fight or flight response and I am calming down. The next step was to get my exact tag number of my car. I did not have that information glued into my brain so it was time to call my Mama because I knew she would know.

Calling my Mama was the hardest part, I did not realize until I heard her voice that I realized what had really happened to me. Trying to explain to her why a Florida Sheriff’s Dept was calling her work phone was when it all set in.

Mom: “Hello? Taylor County Ext Office. How many I help you?”

Me: “Mama its Charen, please do not be mad at me.”

Mom: “Charen what did you do, why are you at a FL sheriffs Dept?”

Me: “Please do not be mad, I was taken at gun point this morning and I really just need my tag number to tell the officers how to find my car” *starts sobbing hysterically*

Mom: “Oh NO?” gasps and I hear her start freaking out

Mom: ” Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you?”

At this point I could not speak, I was hyperventilating and freaking out again. I was sobbing uncontrollably and the ladies in the office had to finish the talk with my mom.  They got all the information they needed and told my Mom to head this way because someone was going to have to take me back to Valdosta and my mom did not think it would be a good idea for me to go with anyone but my family. So they hit the road and headed to get me.

As I was being completely hysterical the detective for the Hamilton County Sheriffs Department took me back to her office. She was so positive and reassuring. She held my hand and hugged me. She told me about her kids and how she cannot imagine what it could have been like. She was also my saving grace. She was what kept me from going under that day. When I would question myself she was there to reassure me I did exactly everything the right way because I was alive. She never left my side and she always kept me up on the chase of the man who had kidnapped me. She told me every step of the way, even when they had found the guy. She would not let the Valdosta detectives talk to me without my family nearby and that also saved my life.

I sat in their office for over four hours waiting on my parents to arrive so I could talk to the detectives and try to identify the man who they had found in my car. It did seem like forever before my family could get there but the moment I saw their faces I understood what life really meant to me; and those 3 people were it. My mom had called my daddy and he was in town quicker than you could think; they drove a 4 hour drive in less than 2 and also had managed to contact my sister and pick her up on the way.

Those three faces entering into that door that day is what reminded me that I was free. Those hugs from those three reminded me that God had given me those three to physically love me unconditionally. It just was not my time to go yet, and seeing those three tearful, scared faces reminded me of just that.

Part 4 will be the next biggest journey I had to face after being kidnapped; being questioned, to picking out the mug shot of the guy, to encountering the true evil in some of these deputies hearts. Every second after I got kidnapped was crucial in molding me and allowing me to recover from such actions that I had NO control over. My journey had just begun on this day, and every day after that I have fought for peace and love and understanding in my own life.

Between the bars of life we realize what is truly meaningful to us and what is not. I know that my family is what will never leave my side even in the worst situations. They may can never truly help me through it, but when it was time for them to drop everything and hit the road they were to me in the least amount of time possible. There are people who have your back even when you do not see it in them physically. People love you regardless what your mind tells you. Your life is important, and even though no one stops to “help” you on your journey, there are people out there that God is setting up to be your saving grace. Every personal encounter is way of God showing you that His people will always be readily available when you call on Him.