Love, CharenLeigh

I have been mentally preparing myself for this post for two weeks now.

My heart breaks every time I hear that someone has lost their battle with depression, anxiety, PTSD, PPD, drug addiction or alcohol abuse, and the list goes on! It’s become such a norm now that every week I hear of a different person who has lost their life.

I was once there myself. There comes a point in your mental health illness where you will do anything not to feel that way anymore. The medicine the doctors have given you do not make you feel like yourself anymore. So you eventually just cold turkey them. You will take as many prescribed and non-prescribed drugs it takes to make the pain go away. You will hold a gun to your head because the thoughts are just too much tonight. Your brain is attacking you and you truly do not know how much more you can take.

Family and friends are oblivious because “I’m fine” is your favorite phrase! You put on the biggest smile when you’re around others because you do not want anyone to think you’re crazy. Plus no one wants to be around someone who only thinks negative thoughts and is sad and/or angry almost all the time. At that time, your mind has already told you that they would not even care anyway if you told them.

“You’re just being dramatic, calm down, it’s not the end of the world!” “What are you crying about this time?” “You’re acting so crazy, why cannot you just stop.” “I cannot deal with you when you act this way.” “Leave me alone till you can get yourself together” I have heard all these phrases more than once from different people.

Honestly maybe we were or are searching for attention; because we need serious help. We are in such a cry for help that everyone starts to push you away because they do not know how to handle the situation or deal with it. They have their own issues so yours just aren’t as important anymore. A lot of people do not realize what other people are going through until the last straw is pulled and their life is over. Then we all wonder what happened, what we could have done to help, asking ourselves why did they not come to me. People forget the steps it took for that person to actually get to that place and how many times they asked for help in the most non-obvious ways.

I survived and you can too! Get the help you need, talk to a professional. We have all been at that point in our lives for one reason or another. Always be willing to listen people, be open to the chaos your friends or family bring to you that sounds crazy. Listen to what they’re going through. It may be their way of begging for help. Be aware of what all comes with suicide. It is not a selfish act; because at that moment the person thinks the world would be a better place without them here.

The only way to stop the amount of suicides that are happening around us is to talk, to be open, to cure the stigma around what mental health really is. Sometimes the words you use could push someone over the edge. Do not be that person; be kind to all you meet. We are all struggling with our own battles.

P.S. I will be making a post later on in the week for the symptoms before suicide, along with what helped me the most.