Love, CharenLeigh

What are your limits?

Can you work every day for 14 days without a break?

Do you schedule yourself for events every off day?

Do you meal prep every week then throw half of it away?

Are you someone who needs complete alone time with silence to readjust and re-energize?

Do you sign up for all the activities so you are the most participated at work, school, or church?

Life can present you with so many options that can look as if they are blessings but are not. I have been there before and I was there just this last week. I had been presented with opportunities and blessings that I could have never expected. I am thankful for all of them, but knowing my limits within myself has become another task I am trying to accomplish.

-Limits-noun. the final, utmost, or furthest boundary or point as to extent, amount, continuance, procedure, etc. a boundary or bound, as of a country, area, or district.

-Stress -noun. importance attached to a thing. emphasis in the form of prominent relative loudness of a syllable or a word as a result of special effort in utterance.

This last week has been a journey with letting go of things that were not good for me. Pushing things to the back burner in order to accomplish my new-found goals and purpose. I have always been goal oriented. I have always been someone who likes to write lists and check them off. I love seeing new opportunities be presented in my life and watching myself accomplish them one by one. That is something that gets me by, but not all opportunities are blessings and some of them can hurt you if you do not know your limits.

Controlling my emotional and mental well-being has been one of the best things that has happened to me in this last 10 months of my life. Knowing when to step away or step back has been the challenge. I am not a quitter and letting go of certain things make me feel as if I have given up on it or someone or  just a plain quitter. Realizing that sometimes we have to do this for our own benefit and growth is what changed my life.

No one ever wants to lose anyone that has been in their life, but loosing people regardless through death or just situations is a part of life. I have not met one soul who has never had to let go of a loved one or a significant other, a blessing, a job opportunity, extra income,etc. no matter the situations. A lot of times letting go of an opportunity that looks as if it could possibly be a blessing will push you ahead, even when your mind is telling you that you’re a failure. If you are anything like me then this has been an ongoing issue for us both.

Being mindful of what you personally can handle is the MOST important step. Never put more on your plate than you can handle. I know the saying that, “God will not give you anything that you cannot handle”, but you also can put many unnecessary things on your plate so that it takes the place of what really needs to be done. I am guilty of this also. I have set up my schedule so full that I have not been able to accomplish anything. When I cannot seem to accomplish tasks I tend to shy away and just sleep and then nothing gets done. Have you done this before? Is it not easier to just take a nap then scramble around trying to do things at the last-minute. Another reason I suffer from depression, because when I get overwhelmed with things I tend to “hide in my turtle shell”. Hiding from the issues at hand is not going to solve anything. I learned this one the hard way. I have regret a lot over my life because of running from the problem instead of showing the devil who is boss and facing it head on. Today, you will hardly ever see me shy away from an issue. This last week really tested that learning journey though.

Burnout syndrome : burnout syndrome is characterized by exhaustion, depersonalization and reduced satisfaction in performance. Because of its aetiopathogenesis, burnout is today mainly regarded as the result of chronic stress which has not been successfully dealt with.There are three main areas of symptoms that are considered to be signs of burnout:

• Exhaustion: People affected feel drained and emotionally exhausted, unable to cope, tired and down, and do not have enough energy. Physical symptoms include things like pain and stomach or bowel problems. 
• Alienation from (work-related) activities: People who have burnout find their jobs increasingly stressful and frustrating. They may start being cynical about their working conditions and their colleagues. At the same time, they may increasingly distance themselves emotionally, and start feeling numb about their work. 
• Reduced performance: Burnout mainly affects everyday tasks at work, at home or when caring for family members. People with burnout are very negative about their tasks, find it hard to concentrate, are listless and lack creativity. 

I have also been a “cannot say no” type of lady. I always want to help people, and I hate to feel like I am letting others down by saying no. This has ended me in a mess because I have said yes so many times when I truly did not have the time to get it all done. Meetings at work, dinner dates with the girls, babysitting the kids, last-minute photo shoots; all of it is something that is hard for me to say no too. I can not have a minute left in my schedule but there are certain things and people I have the hardest time saying no to. Over the last year of my life I learned that saying “no” would save my life. I had said yes so much to people I had forgotten to say yes to ME. I learned that when you say no it does not make that person think any differently of you. When you say no, the world does not end, because usually there is another person at that time who will say yes. Do not allow yourself to suffer because you do not know how to say no to others and yes to yourself.

Top Tips for Saying No

• Keep your response simple. If you want to say no, be firm and direct. Use phrases such as “Thanks for coming to me but I’m afraid it’s not convenient right now” or “I’m sorry but I can’t help this evening.” Try to be strong in your body language and don’t over-apologize. Remember, you’re not asking permission to say no.
• Buy yourself some time. Interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options. Having thought it through at your leisure, you’ll be able to say no with greater confidence.
• Consider a compromise. Only do so if you want to agree with the request, but have limited time or ability to do so. Suggest ways forward to suit both of you. Avoid compromising if you really want or need to say no.
• Separate refusal from rejection. Remember you’re turning down a request, not a person. People usually will understand that it is your right to say no, just as it is their right to ask the favor.
• Don’t feel guilty for saying no to your children. It is important for them to hear no from time to time so that they develop a sense of self-control. It is hard to negotiate adult life without this important skill. Rather than cave in to their protests, let them know who is in charge by setting boundaries.
• Be true to yourself. Be clear and honest with yourself about what you truly want. Get to know yourself better and examine what you really want from life.

Knowing our limits in life even it’s with our emotions, our physical strength, or just our mental capacity is essential in life. How can you be your best self and live your best life if you are pushing yourself over the limit every day? Stop just going through the motions and write down the goals and priorities in your life. Make sure you are only participating in things that YOU know are something important to you. Do not fill up your schedule with things just to say you have things to do. All of the tasks you complete throughout the day can help or hurt you. Do not be like me, know when its time to say no. Do not be like me, know when its time to walk away. Do not be like me and fill your plate so full that you cannot even begin to eat. This week was an eye opener for me. I was not able to accomplish everything I put on my plate and so a lot did not get done, even some of the most important tasks.

I will vow to not fill my plate up with nonsense and to only add to my schedule things that will benefit my future, my priorities, and my goals.

I will be aware of my limits at all times.

I will vow to never allow someone else to determine what my limits are, because we all work differently and for different reasons.

I will make sure my mental, emotional, and physical health stay strong so that when the time comes for me to push past my current limits I can.

— P.S. : I did not want this post to seem like you cannot push past your current limits. I want this post to make others aware that we all have limits and we need to be aware of the things we can accomplish and not put more on the table than that table can can bear. You will get past those current limits, but you need to know yourself well enough to know what limits can be pushed past and which ones you need to strictly keep at just that.