I use to be that girl, I use to try to start the new year off a new person, setting unrealistic goals and really goals that were for other people. I had set myself up for a big failure and followed suit pretty well. Once I changed my aspect of what a new year really meant to me and set realistic goals for my life my whole view changed.
I start my year off way before it actually comes. The more prepared I am the better I feel when the actual new year comes instead of waiting till the day of. I prepare for my year by praying for God’s plan for my life in this year. I usually just write down a list of things I want to accomplish. Some are very realistic, others are very simple. I even make a few of the things completely out of my comfort zone and a major dream. I have watched my own plans fail before, but His plans have always given me the sweetest blessings in the long run.
Life sucks a lot of the times. Terrible things happen to good people. But that does not mean you have to be the evil that causes it. Every year around my birthday I literally have so much anxiety because on my 23rd birthday. I thought it was a normal year of bringing it in with my best friends. I have always called January 10th my “new year”. It is so close to the new year and it being the day I was born I have used it for my own new year. So can you imagine what my PTSD does when I got taken 3 days after my birthday and the day after celebrating with my friends out on the town. My anxiety for my birthday every year after has been a little different. I usually do not choose to spend it in a large group of people, unless that group is my closest friends and family. I am still slick terrified every year around that time, but honestly that is just how my brain got trained. A trauma happened and rewired my brain to always remember that day and to be overly cautious. I have tried for the last 4 years to get that off my mind, but every year when its time to plan something it falls that way for me. I try now not to plan too much around that time because I know I will more than likely want to be alone, mentally safe, in my own bed.
Now on to wonderful, fabulous, adventurous, loving year of 2019…
The start of this year I planned for things to be different. I planned for my life in the next year to be more simple and disciplined. I wanted to make sure I took advantage of the people who took time to stick around through some of my worst times and to really go out and adventure this world without fear. I made goals to love others while always putting my self first and on top. I set up timers to remind myself of those goals I had written down weeks before. I accomplished so much in the last year I knew this year would be so different.
I ended 2018 and began 2019 with some of the realist individuals. I was at my very favorite place, the beach. I set myself up to not focus so much on the goals those first few days and just be thankful I made it to see another year. I relaxed and organized my mind. I celebrated how far I had come and mentally released all the hurt and disappointments from the year before.
A few days later I returned home for just a few short hours to re-pack my bags and head to my next favorite place in the world, my parents. I spent just a few hours relaxing in my childhood home and surrounded by the people who molded and created me all these years. (So so thankful for them by the way, keeping my two spoiled rotten children while I traveled the world meant so much, they knew just how much I needed and deserved it.)
I then hit the road early the next morning headed to one of my newest favorite places, the smoky mountains. I spent 4 days there exploring nature with a few of my favorite people and trying new things. I fell in love with the little town of Gatlinburg, TN. From the little shops and their samples, to the foggy mountain tops, the constant breeze whirling around us and the comfort of a cabin surrounded by nature and wildlife I felt more “at home” than normal.
Before my 28th birthday and only just after 2019 had begun, I had traveled over 2000 miles across the state and ventured it mostly alone. Regardless who was with me, I was comfortable and confident in myself and truly took the time to reflect over all those miles. I had become the woman I needed to in 2018. I had conquered the fears surrounding the beginning of January and up until my birthday.
I returned home to Valdosta with my two furbabies, Cam and Clover who clearly needed their mama time. 
I snuggled with them for a day or two before returning back to work after such a wonderful holiday vacation. I had left my home clean and mostly all my clothes washed and ready to start off fresh and ready. (I am superstitious, and have to have a clean home to start the new year.) Returning to work was no different. I had set myself up for positivity and rewards all 2019.
I started off my birthday with my coworker family, they surprised me with a little work party (we live for these btw). I had a cake fulllll of icing because they know just how much I love icing and sweets. Then we had a pizza party with my favorite types of pizza. I was slick in heaven. Some of my favorite people I have met since working in the ICU plus my favorite carbs and still making money. Can you really beat that? For a moment there, being an adult wasn’t so bad after all.
It was the weekend again and I was back on the road, headed to spend time again with my “originals” in my childhood home with my mom’s cooking, daddy’s hilarious dry sense of humor, and my partner in crime since day 1, my sister.
I decided while I was there why not just drive a few more hours up the road and see my college besties. I traveled to Atlanta, Ga for about 24 hours and continued to celebrate this year and my 28th birthday. I wish I had a picture to show y’all, but yeah when you are having just that much fun you forget to take photos to capture the memories. Thankful for people who I have known for almost 10 years now, who stuck by me, kept me sane during my college years, and always support me even if I am the worst communicator ever.
I said all this to say…PREPARE, PLAN and EXECUTE.
If you know you have a mental illness that will flare up or be triggered during certain times of the year or around certain people take care of it first off before hand. I planned this year to be different and so far we are 24 days in and it has surprised me at what all I could accomplish in such a short amount of time. I said to my self that this year I would not spend it on fear or worry. I would spend it traveling the world with my favorite people, taking care of myself first and loving them second but twice as much. I avoided all the triggers that came with my kidnapping and pulled my own self out of the funk to start off the 2019 year the best I had in the last 5 years. My 5 year anniversary of my kidnapping came and went without any anxiety, moping, fear, or depression. I handled my business and made sure I was busy with my favorite things when the day came. It was honestly 2 days later when I realized it had been 5 years and that was not because of PTSD, anxiety, depression, co-dependency, or any of the things I had been dealt in the past. I had overcome my fear of failing another year and stepped up to the plate and set myself up for the best year yet. There is no new year, new me. There is a new year, better me. I am finally becoming the woman the Lord created me to be. Here is to the new year, and another month of progress and pure happiness.
Love, CharenLeigh 
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