Love, CharenLeigh

via Instagram–

I have found that reading books brings me a sense of peace. It takes me out of the current moment in my life and actually allows me to reflect. Sometimes reflecting on others; sometimes it relates to my own life.

When I first started having panic & anxiety attacks I legit would freak out. I could not find ways to depress the situation or to switch my mind.

I soon realized that wherever I am, whatever I’m doing; if I pick up a book and read, my mind will revert from the attack and try to concentrate on what I read. My breathing slows, my heart rate lowers, and I’m able to find my way out of the middle of the panic.

Love, CharenLeigh

#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthblogger #panicdisorder #happiness #consistent #depression #anxietyattack #anxietyrelief #lovecharenleigh

 

Life Update::

I have been a busy little bee. Life gets chaotic but never stops turning. Working two jobs and giving them both full-time hours has been quite exhausting and my body is still adjusting. But I have been tackling every event that has come my way and allowing myself to handle even the hard ones that I did not want to.

I am truly proud of myself today for cutting the things that cause me stress and anxiety and only allowing things in my life that gives me purpose and peace. I am transforming into the woman I am supposed to be. I am facing things head on and not making excuses anymore. Thankful for that growth. It’s been a long time coming 😉

I have reached a point in my life where I am fully aware of my actions, reactions, feelings, and emotions. I am so aware of them that I am mostly able to catch the negative emotions before they get into my head and cause me grief. That seems to be the hardest task, but loving myself and focusing solely on the things that make me happy allows me to become way more in tune with my inner being and not just the outer.

Time to talk::

In the last few weeks I have been thinking hard on what my next post should be. I’ve went back and forth with different topics and ideas. One that stuck the most was my hobby of reading and the books I choose to read. People have seem to notice that I have been reading a lot more lately and being public about the books I read. I try to be as transparent as possible with my illness and what I go through and how I tackle the “not so pretty” occasions. One thing that has stayed the most consistent with my healing in the last few years of my life is reading and what I read. Since I started therapy and trying to overcome my PTSD, anxiety, depression, and panic disorder, I have chosen books that are self-healing, self-care and/or Christian based books. I found they were the most reassuring and created only positive ideas and thoughts in my head. I found out quickly reading those mystery books and intense stories only caused my mind to wander. Even watching certain shows and movies, that were full of suspense, had to be cut out due to it causing more and more anxiousness. I would dream and have nightmares regarding those same books and shows. Which cut out most of my sleep.

Now just to clarify; I have always loved the mystery, scary shows and books. I loved the most intense ones that others feared. I loved the not knowing and guessing games. But after encountering my own trauma I realized I no longer could watch and read those shows. It seemed to really enhance my panic attacks and push me over the edge on a regular basis. When trying to tackle my own trauma I learned things had to be let go of to heal.

One of the very first books my counselor recommended was “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer. This read changed my life. It changed my thought process towards my illness and allowed me to take control of the thoughts I allowed into my mind. It was the true start of my healing and I recommend this book to anyone struggling. It turned my thinking of my trauma into a whole new light. It gave me a side of peace I didn’t know existed. I have now read this book over 3x and anytime I feel as if my mind is not in a good place I will quickly turn to the highlighted portions in the book and remind myself just how far I had come. One of the best parts of the book is that after every chapter it helps you reflect on what you read and put it into your own life and own circumstances. It is so relatable to any and everyone. It also uses Jesus and his journey through this world to help to relate to yours. When a I began reading I took a chapter a day and really focused on what each chapter said. I journaled all throughout and highlighted consistently everything that related to me. Oddly enough I felt that the book was wrote for me. I feel in love with each chapter and could not wait to read the next one the next day. Taking time to read each really gave me a chance to evaluate my own life. A few of excerpts from the book are below. Take time to read each and allow it to relate to your own journey.

“Your life may be in a state of chaos because of years of wrong thinking. If so, it is important for you to come to grips with the fact that your life will not get straightened out until your mind does. You should consider this area one of vital necessity. Be serious about tearing down the strongholds Satan has built in your mind. Use your weapons of the Word, praise, and prayer.”

“Anxiety and worry are both attacks on the mind intended to distract us from serving the Lord. The enemy also uses both of these torments to press our faith down, so it cannot rise up and help us live in victory.”

“Remember your actions won’t change until your mind does.”

Excerpts From Battlefield of the Mind Joyce Meyer https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/battlefield-of-the-mind/id357371487?mt=11 This material may be protected by copyright.

The second book I found to be a favorite was recommended by a girlfriend. I had become fed up with myself. I felt worthless and never good enough. I had changed. I wasn’t the strong, positive, encouraging person I once was. I had forgotten about the wonderful woman I was created to be. I had at that point went through a pretty rough breakup and it brought me back down to second guessing my decisions and over thinking. My mind was back being my worst enemy. My anxious thoughts and lack of love for myself pushed me into such a deep hole. A hole I legit thought I would never get out of. She told me to read, “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. This book opened my eyes to self-love and self-care. It allowed me to see once again how perfectly made I was in my own way. I was able to recognize my soul all over again. I was a badass. I had been through things that was supposed to break me. Even with the cracks, and the shattering of my heart; I truly never broke. I was just human. Which honestly we all are. We all go through stuff and it’s how we handle it afterwards that proves how “badass” we really are. I’m so thankful for this book because it wasn’t “sweet”. It was straightforward and blunt. It caused me to cry and open up with myself. It allowed me to be purely honest with myself. When you’re doubting your abilities and your strength; READ “You are a Badass”.

“It’s like when you quit smoking or doing drugs and go into withdrawal. Finally, you’ve taken a leap and done something that’s going to massively improve your life, and for days, sometimes weeks, you feel worse than you did when you were a wild child. You’re hacking up all this nasty crap, ridding your body of toxins, shaking, sweating, puking, wondering why on Earth you thought this was a good idea. It’s really fun.” 

“When you decide to re-wire these beliefs, go for what’s truly in your heart and do a massive overhaul on yourself and your world, you’re basically murdering the Big Snooze. And she is going to come at you, rolling pin raised high over her head, to beat you back into your old life. We are very powerful creatures who create our realities through focused energy, and should our subconscious mind decide to focus that energy at stopping ourselves from taking a risk because it’s freaking out and terrified, things” 

“What you choose to focus on becomes your reality. And that’s just an example of what we’re not noticing that we can see. There’s also an infinite amount of emotions and thoughts and beliefs and interpretations and sounds and dreams and opportunities and smells and points of view and ways to feel good and responses and non responses and things to say and ways to help. YET, because we’re so set in our ways and committed to our stories about who we are and what our reality looks like, we only scratch the very surface of all that’s available to us every single moment.

Excerpt From You Are a Badass® Jen Sincero https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/you-are-a-badass/id1209994350?mt=11 This material may be protected by copyright.

Reading has become a way to allow my mind to grow with only positives and to not focus at all on the negatives. As mentioned above and on my IG; I truly can start the day with anxiety and depressed thoughts then pick up a book that encourages growth and it pushes my brain to rewrite and stop those thoughts. Something as simple as reading a few lines in a book or my bible has allowed me to keep going when I was ready to break. Returning to my turtle shell is my personal favorite coping method, but it’s not healthy because I never overcome those triggers. Stopping for a few moments and reading has allowed me to conqueror my triggers head on.

There are a million more books I have read that have encouraged me and pushed me. These are just the first two that “took my mind back”. I know sometimes what helps me may not help others. But what if it did help someone? What if they see this and read these books and it changes their life. That’s all I want for my blog. I want to keep growing and bettering myself while letting the world know exactly how far I have come. I know that these two books are very different but even in their own sense they pushed me to want better for myself and my life. Maybe one day I will write a book that pushes and encourages someone just like these did. 😉