Love, CharenLeigh

• Medication: [med-i-key-shuh n]noun
  1 the use or application of medicine.
  2 a medicinal substance; medicament.
• Anti-depressants: [an-tee-di-pres-uh nt, an-tahy-]adjective
  of or relating to a substance that is used in the treatment of mood disorders, as characterized by various manic or depressive affects.
  Anti-anxiety: [an-tee-ang-zahy-i-tee] adjective
  tending to or prevent or relieve anxiety

There’s always a better or new drug out there. How many do I have to go through to find one that works best for me? Do all of them have side effects that are worse than the actual diagnoses? Will I try them all out and still find out that none of them actually help with my anxiety or depressed thoughts? Will I realize that all I needed was to manually force myself to enact, react and interact a certain way?

That’s the worst part about all of this, sometimes the medications recommended just do not work for you. I’m four years in with PTSD, anxiety, and depression and I still have not found a medication that makes everything just go away. Most medications are just “hold you overs”, “bandaids”, they do not erase issues and make them go away like most people believe they do. I wish there was a medication I could find that would erase the poor decisions that man made that day but it does not work that way.

After doing a genetic testing a few months ago I found out that most of the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants I had previously been prescribed were not compatible with my body. My body takes a lot longer to “accept” these meds and get them into my system before I actually can see if they are helping me or not.

Biweekly therapy sessions, daily medications, and forever indebted to controlling my thoughts, feelings, and emotions; this is my life.

Regardless what medication I’m on, how many times I have seen my counselor in a month, or if I decide to lay in the bed for days and weeks at time the issues at hand never disappear. I’m still an anxious mess going out in public.

I say all of this to say sometimes medication is not about what pill you take, or what therapist you see; the medication can be your own manual way to fix the issue. Maybe you have found a catch that causes your anxiety to disappear, or maybe you have a way of triggering other emotions to rid fear. Whatever it is, I’m proud. It’s taking me years to figure it all out my way. It’s taken me years to find out my methods and how my body works exactly. I just want you to know you’re not alone. Those medications are not you, you are not those medications. You can keep changing till you find one that works, you can find other alternatives than a “pill”.

Happiness is not found in pill form or in therapy sessions. Happiness is found within you.

A few of my many “medications” that get me through those anxious and depressive times are:
•reading my bible
•openly journaling all my thoughts
•no movies/tv shoes/music that trigger anxious thoughts
•lavender oil bath
•doggy snuggles
•Jesus talks
Each person has their own things that keep them grounded; that does not allow their conditions or issues to be blown out of proportion. I found all these out about myself over trial and error. Don’t give up, you will find your own way! Always remember you are never alone in this.